Top Trumps – Labour Leadership 2010

September 1st 2010 is a significant date in the diary for many reasons. For most schools in Britain it heralds the start of the new academic year. It marks the 25th anniversary of the wreckage of the Titanic being discovered. Uzbekistanis celebrate the 19th year of independence from the former Soviet Union. For Ed, Ed, Dave, Andy and Diane the 1st of September takes on a special significance as it marks the day in which the Labour leadership ballot begins to drop. Throughout the month, Labour party members will be voting in their thousands until the 25th when the results are announced.

Regular readers of the blog will know that this isn’t the first time I’ve strayed from the subject of the coalition. As I’ve stated before you can’t separate the coalition from the Labour leadership election because the winner will have a direct impact on the success or failure of the Con-Dems. If the correct candidate is elected, then they will have the challenge of trying to form a credible opposition.

When I was growing up, my friends and I used to argue about who would win in a fight…who would win between Optimus Prime & Megatron; Dalglish & Kendall; Stallone & Schwarzenegger; Thatcher & Kinnock (ok I made that last one up). Optimus was a truck but Megatron was a plane; Kendall had Sharp but Dalglish had Rush; Stallone had Rocky but Schwarzenegger had The Terminator; Kinnock had Hattersly but Thatcher had Tebbit. We loved nothing more than debating the minute details of each opponent. Sometimes we would fall onto the statistical debating cards, Top Trumps, to assist us.

Well, in a throwback to those salad days, my friends and I were in the pub the other day sharing stories of our complicated lives. During one of our discussions, two of my more troubled friends started to debate the leadership election. As the debate grew to include all of the table, it became clear that we all seemed to share different views of the candidates.  One area where we were all in agreement was on the importance this election has on the country. We just couldn’t agree on how best to judge the candidates…who would win? David has more support from MPs but his brother has the overwhelming support of the Unions; Diane is a woman, the rest all look the same; Well, just for fun, I’ve made these cards to help me choose and I hope they help you decide…the Cameron card is also included in the pack. (Cards not to be used for serious debate…watch out for the ‘special’ election reform referendum pack soon).

Ed 'I'm not David' Miliband

Ed 'I almost lost my seat' Balls

Diane 'I'm a woman' Abbott

Andy 'I'm northern' Burnham

David 'I'm not Tony but by god I want to be' Cameron

David 'I'm not Tony or Gordon' Miliband

The one with politics all over the gaffe.

Cameron the new Bush

Source Guardian.co.uk

When the coffee house phenomena hit the States we still had the humble cafe (pronounced caff). Several years later the cafe has all but disappeared and in its place are the egregious green & white caffeine oubliettes. It took several years but America found a way of exporting them to our peaceful land. We lapped them up.

My first job was working in a coffee shop in a shopping centre, churning out ‘Expresso’ and ‘Frothy Coffee’ by the vat load like some Indian sweatshop worker (this was in the day before the minimum wage). I produced these bastardised coffees to the general public and they queued up in their thousands as if they were the best things since sliced bread (which is ironic really as we also sold that but like Pacman and Amstrad computers it just wasn’t that popular anymore, replaced by the grandiosely titled Wrap). We all wanted to be ‘Friends’, to sit around all day talking about sex & relationships. We couldn’t stop the invasion, in fact we welcomed it.

We’ve allowed it to happen again. Only this time it’s not addictive hot beverages, this time we get bad political oratory. We all mocked the Americans for voting in a man that was more into his gaffes than a cockney describing his house. You would have hoped that we learnt the lesson of history, well we didn’t.

Over the past week, our illustrious leader Dave Cameron, has thrown a few in of his own. What with his comments on World War 2, his demonstration of world class diplomacy with his ill-advised India pandering comments about Pakistan. Then came his comment yesterday when he stated that Iran had nuclear weapons. His PR machine span the line that the PM had simply mis-spoken, of course he knows that Iran doesn’t have nuclear weapons (yet) and he just made an error. I’m not a politician, I didn’t go to Eton, I didn’t even do that well either at school, college or university for that matter. However, even I know that if you’re going to screw up, don’t do it about nuclear weapons. It’s probably a good thing that the Conservative pin-up, Lady Thatcher (or as she was known back then ‘The Milk Snatcher’ or ‘That woman who stole my job and then my community) was in charge during the Cold War and not him otherwise who knows what damage could have been done.

Having a quick trawl through the YouTube archives, I’ve found Dave’s recent gaffes as well as a couple of older ones, just in case we were thinking that the pressure of the job was getting to him.

The one with Cameron and the Gay gaffe

The one where Cameron equates China and Iran

The one where Cameron rewrites history

The one where Cameron accuses Pakistan of promoting terror and thereby pissing off nearly a billion people

The one with Cameron, the public, Iran and the Nuclear weapons.

… just for laughs The one where Cameron checks the cameras are on him and his excellent Blair impression.

A new era of suffrage? Women know your limits!

Are we entering a new era of suffrage under the Con-Dems? The evidence seems to point to a government with pre Pankhurst attitudes to women’s rights. The disproportionate cuts in the budget, the shelving of ‘Go-Orders’ and the proposed ending of council tenancy for life have hit women very hard.

Did we expect anything else from a male dominated cabinet? This is a ‘back to basics’ campaign through the back door…

Harry Enfield created the Tory poster boys ‘Tim Nice But Dim’ & ‘Loads-a-money’, he also created this, now rather accurate, depiction of the modern Tory attitude to women…enjoy.